Amon's Heart

Dear Amon,

It’s been a while since I have written to you on here.   You’ve just turned 4 years old and are turning into a wonderful little boy each and every day.  This fall you began school at My Own Montessori in Rockridge, and your sister Anya arrived in October.  We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together with your mom, Jo and Anya.

We’ve been spending lots of time together at my house; baking cookies, painting, playing games with the stuffed animals, time in the sandbox, reading Miffy books and watching Miffy cartoons on Youtube.   Every moment I spend with you is so joyful in my life.   I am thrilled to be your father and excited to be a part of your life as long as I am here with you on Earth.

I adore you little man.

Love, Your Dad

Dear Amon,

When Daddy was a little boy, he LOVED to watch a show called Mister Roger’s Neighborhood.  This song in particular warmed my heart every time I heard it.

Today, I share it with you.   I adore you too, Amon James.

Love, Daddy

Dear Son,

This year you and I celebrated Christmas by putting up the christmas tree together.  All of the decorations are my my childhood and are now your decorations.  We spend some time telling stories and them, including the one of Daddy as a little boy holding his stuffed rabbit, Gaga.  One of the highlights of the season was baking christmas sugar cookies at Amon and Daddy’s house.  This is a tradition from your grandmother Dindy, and one that we have carried out through the years.   You and I can do the same.

One the Eve of Christmas Eve (December 23), you and I celebrated Christmas together at my house with presents, stockings, and MORE baking and decorating of Christmas sugar cookies.   You are a natural artist.   In fact, I brought some cookies you decorated to your cousins in Florida and they LOVED them….(as the photos below depict).

Following our wonderful day together, your Daddy got on the red-eye flight to Florida to arrive in time for Christmas Eve children’s services at St. John’s with Julie, George and John, Uncle John, Aunt Christa, Dindy & Duke.  We sang many carols and the cousins went up front for the children’s sermon to learn about the birth of Jesus so many years ago.  We certainly wished that you were with us, and we hope that soon you can spent a christmas in Florida, as we certainly make it a big and special event.  We loved having Face-time with you yesterday and seeing your fun new presents from Grandpa Jim and Annie.

These photos above are from our Christmas together.  And the ones below are me with your Family in Florida.    Notice how much the kids love their cookies from Cousin Amon.

I sure do love you, my sweet boy.   I can’t wait to spend many, many holidays with you over the coming years.

Love, your Dad

Dear Sweet Amon,

The magic of christmas is upon us.   This week you and I delighted together in the joy that is the holidays.   We pulled out the Advent Calendar and hung the little tree for December 1.  We took the pine from outside, soaking in the bucket of water, into the house, in the stand and draped the base with the Nativity skirt.  We strung lights and beads.

And every ornament we placed on the tree together has a story from your Daddy’s childhood.  I shared with you the story of the little brown haired boy in yellow pajamas with his stuffed rabbit as his best friend.  This little boy was me, with my rabbit named Gaga.

And we made holiday sugar cookies together with your grandmother Dindy’s recipe and decorated each one with colored icing and sugar and sprinkles.  We made stars and angels, snowflakes and gingerbread men.  We laughed and ate dough along the way. “One for Daddy and one for AJ.”   These memories will last both of our lives.   The twinkle in our eyes are the same.  For we share the joy of the holidays together now and every year.

Love, Daddy

 

 

Dearest Amon,

It’s been a few months since I have posted as I have been seeing lots of you.  Train crossings in Jack London Square, play time at Daddy’s house and a fun Halloween parade with Mom and Jo (again you were a Railroad Crossing….  so clever little one).

One of my reasons for this blog is so that you might gain some insight one day into my love for you and who I am as a man, your father, friend and son.   I posted below on social media today and I was thinking of you when I wrote it.   Words I have held dear in my heart and mind and ones that bring me guidance and comfort in unusual times.     Here is what I wrote:

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When I applied to business school, nearly 20 years ago, I said I wanted to help companies “find their soul.” At that time it was corporate philanthropy that drove the “do good” nature of business, but often times on the heels of negative impact on social and environmental issues. While there is still much dichotomy in how many businesses operate, I am humbled by Amazon’s message. Yes this is marketing, and yes it will drive sales, but that too pleased me if companies like Amazon can use their platform to proclaim not only tolerance, but brother and sisterhood as a tenant of their foundational ethics.

Amazon, Alibaba, Ebay and other platforms are bringing our world closer together, like it or not. Many are frightened by the idea that we are global citizens first. Religious tolerance is at the foundation of what makes our country remarkable. We seem to be forgetting that as part of the fear we may feel for a changing world. But it’s not just in the USA. This fear is spreading globally.

I grew up in the Episcopal Church, and have remembered these words from the Book of Matthew my entire life:

“Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

To learn to love and embrace all our of human siblings is one of the joys of this journey, and it is not always the easiest. These past two weeks I have been seeking to understand my brethren who have been in such pain in our country to see this new leadership as a safer route for them. That is something I am committed to in my own journey of tolerance.

And it reminds me of another of my favorites – the St. Francis Prayer:

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.”

I love you my brother Michael Barbaro for sharing this video today. This is the world I seek to live in, and to help create through all my relations and my role in raising my son.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fimamziasheikh%2Fvideos%2F1098948833558028%2F&show_text=0&width=560

 

 

 

We’ve playing in the park together two mornings a month, for the last 5 months.   Watching you grow, and not just physically, but also emotionally and intellectually, has been the greatest experience of my 45 years.   You just don’t know that fatherhood is such a soul satisfying experience, until you…. Well…. Get to experience it.

Each morning you bloom more and more.   You are gentle and sweet. You are observant and thoughtful. And when I say thoughtful, I mean full of thought.

I cherish you sweet prince.

Love, Daddy

Dear Son,

As I was looking at this photo of the two of us playing and running last week, the first words which popped into my head were “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”  Undoubtedly, you have heard this express by now, or will one day.   It reminds me that so much of life is about managing the tougher times and the difficulties (and cherishing the happy times with all your heart).   Sometimes we feel alone, and sometimes whatever is happening in our lives on that particular day feels like it is going to be the rest of our lives.   But I assure you, dear boy, it will not.  Everything changes.

Another great expression is the only thing that never changes is change.   Meaning, the only thing we can truly depend on is that nothing stays the same (that includes both the good and the bad).   So, learning to look at our life beyond just the immediate and into a much larger portrait of our lives becomes so valuable.    You will hear me refer to life as a painting.  We are born with a blank canvas which God provides.  And along the way it is up to us to acquire new brushes and colors in order to create the masterpiece that is our lives. Believing this way  provides me great comfort as I think about the bigger picture and try not focus on the daily minutia or troubles.  This too shall pass.

My faith in God and in an afterlife also provides me with an ever larger canvas in which to create a grand work of art.   In this belief, it’s not just this life, but the many lives before and after that are part of our total creation and the sum of our soul and our work here. on Earth.   You and I may have fought battles together in the Middle Ages, and perhaps we will solve mathmatic equations in the future, or compose a symphonic masterpiece, or simply rest together under a shady tree.    Our love, our lives, our relationships to ourselves, others and our God has no boundaries.   We are here for a long time to make mistakes and repair them.  To create and destroy ideas and problems.   To love and heal so many, including ourselves.

So on a day when you feel like all your cards are against you, remember that everything changes and in this race, you can slow down and enjoy the moment, for it will change again and again and again.  And always know that whether this life or the next, whether you can see me or not, I will always be by your side.

Love, Your Dad

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who knows how long I’ve loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will

And if I ever saw you
I didn’t catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we’re together
Love you when we’re apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we’re together
Love you when we’re apart

And when at last I found you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
All the things you do endear you to me

The Beatles 

I saw my son today.

With a shy smile, he turned his head, but in that glance I know he remembers.

We’ve been speaking in our dreams and holding on dear to one another.

I saw my son today.

With puppy dog songs and guitar strums, we knew that we knew.

We dance in the stars together more than this one life.

I saw my son today.

He reached up high to hold my hand and I never wanted to let go.

A hand I’ll hold for many years and during my last days.

I saw my son today.

He showed me the things he loves to show others and himself.

I told him I may leave, but I will always come back to him.

I saw my son today.